


Strawberries

by violetwaves



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Internal Conflict, M/M, Maybe Smut? We will see..., Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:36:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetwaves/pseuds/violetwaves
Summary: Heated words during a Bed Wars stream stir up conflicted feelings in the friend group and result in complicated fallout. The encounter adds stress to the already burdened creators, causing them to question everything. Things haven't been the same for a while, and none of them seem to know why.M for strong language, references to anxiety and depression throughout.Inspired by Caamp song "Strawberries".
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

Dream stirred, his hand tingling as his chin dropped quickly, head heavy from drowsiness. He had fallen asleep at his desk again, eyes shooting open hearing a sudden shout, muffled but loud.

“Karl! What are you doing?!” his best friend, Sapnap, called out.

Dream blinked a few times, mousing over to click on his browser dedicated to Twitch, opening Karl’s stream. He had been streaming since Midnight with Sapnap, Bad Boy Halo, and George who were trying to teach Karl how to play Bed Wars. Dream pulled his headset over his ears, seeing he had only been sleeping for fifteen minutes. It had felt like fifteen hours.

He turned down the stream volume, turning his attention back to the lines of code he was reading through. He had paid Tommy to help him with something for the new SMP plot and they were trying to get through the second round of edits as quickly as possible. It was becoming increasingly harder to satisfy the fans, pushing his competitive nature into overdrive. Luckily, Tommy was as hellbent as he was to keep hold of the stardom as L’Manberg faded into the history of their lore.

His stomach growled, and the blonde realized he had never eaten dinner. He sighed and pulled his headset back off, leaving Karl’s stream on and the muffled sounds of their cackling behind as he left his room.

Looking down the hall, he could see that Sapnap had his door closed but not latched, causing a small smile to form on his chapped lips, knowing that he had purposefully done so in case Patches wanted to wander in.

 _You eat yet?_ He texted, padding down the stairs and towards the kitchen. 

Y _eah, I ate some pasta your Mom brought over at like 10. There’s still some left._ Sapnap quickly responded.

Locking his phone and putting it back in his hoodie pocket, Dream pulled open the door to the fridge, illuminating the large room faintly. The fridge was fully stocked with drinks and fresh food, a sign his mother had come and gone quietly at some point during the day. He kept telling her she didn’t need to take care of them, that they would manage in the rental on their own. She knew her son well enough to know that this wasn’t true, and continued to bring fresh food by the house once a week, even if it was just ingredients for sandwiches.

He grabbed the container with the pasta, coughing out a wheezing laugh at the post-it note on the top: “C! Use a FORK! - D” a comical callback from his younger sister. As soon as Dream lifted the lid, nausea stirred deep in his stomach, bile rose in his throat, the scent of tomato and garlic filled his nose. Slamming the lid on the container, he replaced it.

To say Dream was “going through it” was an understatement. His anxiety had been at an all time high for the past couple weeks, something that should have been calmed by the presence of his best friend.

For Dream, it had started with Mr. Beast’s rewind video and the hype and subsequent backlash of the “face reveal that could have been”. Jimmy had known that Dream didn’t plan on doing a face reveal any time soon, and the fans knew it too, but that didn’t stop it from being a trending topic on Twitter daily. Dream had never even planned for people to know his real name, but over time, he had become more lax and less careful. He was quickly finding that he should have kept his cautiousness a top priority.

With recent doxxing attempts from his ex, the hate from fans and rivals about the speedrunning title, and nonstop fan theories - Dream had turned bitter and distanced himself from the community.

His eyes scanned the fridge and he pulled out a carton of fresh strawberries, washed and dried carefully by his generous mother. Grabbing a couple of bottles of water from the door, he caught his tired reflection in the butter drawer and shook out his long hair. He looked awful, tired beyond belief, deep and dark bags under his eyes.

Letting the fridge door slam loudly, he headed back upstairs, balancing the berries carefully as he walked across the white carpet on the upstairs landing. Kicking open Sapnap’s door softly, he saw Patches curled up on his pillow, contently purring. Sapnap was leaning dangerously back in his chair, hands curled behind his dark hair, leaning back to look at Dream when he entered.

Pulling his headset off, he muted himself and rolled back, catching the water bottle that was silently offered to him. 

“How’s it going? You guys win one yet?” Dream offered quietly, despite his friend being muted.

“Close, but not yet. Karl is getting a little better,” he laughed in response, rolling his eyes sarcastically. “You okay?” Sapnap eyed the basket of berries in Dream’s hand.

Dream reddened, looking down at the odd snack. “Yeah, yeah...you know...just tired and shit.”

Sapnap didn’t need his friend to expand more for him to fully understand why he had opted for minimal food. The house had two full bathrooms, but he could still hear the sounds of his late night wrenching and groaning from down the hall. Occasionally, Dream’s sobs would break out into the silence of the night, and Sapnap would pull his AirPods into his ears to give the man privacy.

“Wanna to watch a movie after this?” Dream slurred out, his voice laced with exhaustion, softly petting Patches’ sleeping head, still awkwardly holding his uneaten snack. The condensation was making his hand clammy and uncomfortable. His stomach churned again at the sensation.

Sapnap signaled to his friend that he wasn’t muted, but started responding before he could get back to the button just as Karl was asking the group a question.

“Uh I don’t know I was gonna…” his voice cut out on the stream, continuing to talk to Dream once he was muted, “I was gonna see what you were up to. I figured you probably wanted to sleep. But I’m down!”

“Okay, so get this, you know how Sapnap usually bails on people’s streams?” Dream heard come from his friend’s headset. 

He sat on the edge of the bed, placing the berries on the night stand, eager to hear what was coming next. It was hard to keep up on what was said on stream if he was working, and Sapnap sometimes tended to exaggerate after the fact.

Sapnap cocked a brow, pretending to be amused, his chest tightening as he heard Bad mock him. He was nervous in Dream’s current state, that the next thing might be about him. He held a breath in before unmuting himself.

“Why do you always say that?”

“He’s bailed on this one!” Bad laughed out, unrelenting in his mocking. Sapnap knew Bad was kidding, that he was playing it up for chat while Karl took a bathroom break. This was part of their routine when one of them was streaming.

Dream could faintly hear George chime in, quiet at first, but eventually finding his voice. Dream motioned, silently asking Sapnap to unplug his headset and his friend did so reluctantly, staying on the open mic, despite everything in his body telling him this was an awful idea.

“Oh yeah? Just like AFK-ing at the end of every game?” George laughed, sounding distracted. Right as he spoke the words, Dream felt his phone buzz in his hoodie pocket, a text from George.

_Karl is awful at bed wars. Whose idea was this?_

Dream smiled, locking his screen and letting the phone fall to the comforter next to him. He pulled the hood of his hoodie up, melting into the fabric, suddenly nervous that George might know he’s in the room.

Bad kept laughing, George suddenly speaking over him, while Sapnap struggled to get a word in.

“What are you doing, Sapnap, that you have to leave?” his accent accentuating his friend’s name loudly.

Sapnap swivelled in his chair, rolling farther from the mic as he pointed to the desk helplessly, silently imploring Dream’s help. His friend shut him down with a curt movement from his stern face. He didn’t want them to know he was here, the chat was already erupting as is at this line of conversation.

“Well, I had to get water this game,” he responded, accounting for his whereabouts for the moment, neglecting to share that he had taken a phone call from their landlord at one point in the middle of the stream.

He continued to stutter, finally settling on, “I only did it twice.”

“I only did it twice,” Bad mocked, Sapnap’s face flushing as his cheeks began to heat.

“Yeah well you and George go crazy when Dream’s not there,” he spat, rocking back in his chair, half wishing the mic didn’t pick up what he just said.

Dream’s face paled as he shot daggers at his friend’s back. Sapnap refused to look over and meet his eyes but didn’t stop, he was getting mad. George and Bad responded, their voices melding together on the call, becoming incoherent.

“It always does amaze how like...much of a little...bitch you are when Dream’s around,” directing his anger at George.

Dream let out a soft sound, intending it to be his friend’s name, as he turned to face him. Sapnap’s eyes were dark and mad, but his cheeks were bright red, slightly hinting at remorse.

No one heard the sound because at that moment, Bad tumbled out his tag line, berating Sapnap’s swear word as George tried to deny the allegation.

Sapnap tried to back down, making it more of a joke, mocking George’s accent poorly as Bad tried to de-escalate the situation. The intensity of the stream while Karl was away from his computer was making Dream’s stomach churn. Normally, this type of banter didn’t bother him, but they thought he wasn’t there, wasn’t listening.

“It is true, it is true,” Sapnap trailed off, feeling something soft hit him square in back of his head.

Dream had thrown one of the smaller strawberries at him, the delicate fruit tumbling to the floor and getting caught under the wheel of the chair. Sapnap muted his mic, letting out an exasperated breath.

“Clay, what the fuck?!” looking down at the deep red staining the white carpet. His face matched the color of the berry as he looked up at Dream.

Through the speaker on his desk, they both heard Bad apologize for starting the argument, George staying eerily silent.

 _Are you in there with him?_ George texted Dream, his phone lighting up on the bed.

“Is that him? He fucking knows you’re listening, doesn’t he?” Sapnap spat, bending down to pick up the decimated fruit. He reached for a Clorox wipe, knowing it wouldn’t cleanse the stain fully, kneeling to try to clean some of the spot.

“I don’t know, I guess…” Dream sighed, looking down to read the text. It was his turn to flush red, rising from the bed and scooping up the berries and his phone, desperately ready to escape this unnecessary tension.

The Discord call was silent with Sapnap muted and George clearly mad or distracted. Sapnap wracked his brain, wondering why this had set Dream off so suddenly.

“George, this is your cue, popping off? Popping off?” Bad tried, calling out to their friend across the pond.

Dream found his way to the door, pulling it quickly behind him, hearing George’s deadpan right before he departed.

“I think we should replace Sapnap with Quackity.”

Sapnap looked back to the closed door, flicking a glance to Patches, who had managed to sleep through the entire incident. Karl was settling back into his chair as he saw a couple direct messages from Bad had popped up in his absence. George mumbled something about them being able to play with three people as Karl asked what he had missed. Clearly, the silence was tense and punctuated by questions and spams in the chat.

Pushing a shaking hand through his hair, Sapnap plugged his headset back in, letting his friends’ voices filter through his ears.

To say that tension was rising in the group was equally a gross understatement. Ever since Dream and George had first talked about DNF and gave their seal of approval to the fans on a podcast, the fandom seemed to have ratcheted it up a notch. Combine that with all recent hate directed towards Dream, it had built into an unpredictable firestorm.

Sapnap was trying to be there for Dream. He was there physically, but he was getting a little tired of trying to guess which direction his mood was headed each minute. Some days he was fine, others he hardly spoke two words to him. He was pretty surprised that Dream had asked to watch a movie later, even though he knew that that offer was most likely off the table now. 

They had had so many plans for moving in together, even planning to have George come as soon as the travel ban was lifted in the UK. Now, the only time Dream seemed to open up was on Twitter, causing cascading TikTok videos and comments. Sapnap wanted his friend to just be honest with him, confide in him. Instead, he knew from sneaking checks on Dream’s phone, he talked to George a lot more one on one.

Zoning out, Sapnap opened his phone, contemplated texting Dream, only to see a few texts from George. He couldn’t bear to open them. He knew what he had said on stream was a low blow, it wasn’t even funny. He had intended for it to cut him, even if he couldn’t really explain why his mouth had formed the harsh criticism.

“Are you okay, Sapnap?” Karl asked quietly, turning his head to his monitor with Discord open, seeing the messages from Bad, filling him in on what he had missed.

Bad spoke over him, so Karl asked again in the silence.

“What are you talking about?” Sapnap quipped quickly, softly.

“You sound upset,” Karl cooed, his soft voice filling the awkward silence, nearly drowned out by his music to those watching the stream.

Sapnap forced out a chuckle, calling his friend an idiot, unscrewing his bottle of water and taking a long, much needed swig.

“Want me to kiss that?” Karl responded lightly. He moved his character through the game, towards their base to find Sapnap and George.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Sapnap swallowed hard, choking a bit on the lukewarm liquid. Dream hated cold water and Sapnap was starting to unintentionally develop hatred for some of his quirks.

Bad loudly asked if anyone had Quackity’s phone number, since he wasn’t responding in Discord.

Sapnap decided to test the waters out loud instead of reading George’s texts.

“George has his phone number,” he shared, having to repeat himself as Karl talked over him.

The call became more chaotic as Karl talked about liking to take long baths to relax, chat still spamming “THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING”.

Sapnap rolled his eyes and clicked over to read some email while his friends filled the tense space with jokes and levity. His stomach churned as his bare foot found the spot on the floor where the berry particles had been ground into the carpet by his chair, ears still hot from embarrassment.

Dream’s hands gripped the porcelain of his sink, sweat dripping down his forehead, as he looked up at himself in the mirror. He shouldn’t have snapped at his friend, but Sapnap also shouldn’t have said what he said on stream. His phone buzzed repeatedly in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see the name he knew was there but equally dreaded.

“What,” he answered, deadpan in his signature tone.

“What, yourself? What the fuck was all that?” George’s melancholic, accented tone called through the speaker.

Dream crossed the floor from the en suite to his desk, collapsing in the chair, realizing he still had the stream on. He muted it, so George couldn’t hear that he had been watching.

“I uh...Sapnap was being a jerk…” Dream stuttered back, heat rising in his face again.

He knew he should apologize, but also knew that that wasn’t his responsibility. The highest tension of the group had been between Dream, Sapnap, and George, ever since the move. George was rightfully upset by the whole situation and that he couldn’t be there with them. But something unfamiliar was creeping in for all three of the young men.

Dream’s stomach growled angrily, turning against him once again. He plucked a strawberry from the carton, popping it in his mouth with the stem on, inadvertently chewing loudly.

“What are you eating?” George asked, voice softening. He knew it wasn’t Dream’s fault that Sapnap had exploded like that. But he was slightly concerned that they were talking about him on mute during the stream, prompting the bitter attack. George’s self-consciousness that he had worked so hard to push down crept out at these moments.

“Strawberries,” Dream responded, a small smile creeping on his lips as the bright and sweet liquid burst in his mouth, lighting his tongue on fire with flavor. He swallowed and took a loud gulp of water, gurgling the liquid in the back of his throat through the speaker phone to annoy his friend.

“Strawwwwwwberries,” George drawled, playing with the syllables in his mouth, attempting an American accent.

Dream rolled his eyes and popped two more in his mouth, his stomach settling slightly as the feeling of hunger diminished. George’s voice calmed his nerves, even if his heart fluttered at the way he drew out the middle of the word.

“I’m sorry, George, I’ll talk to him about it.” Dream offered, turning to his computer and re-organizing his screens.

“I know things have been weird...I know I made things weird…” he trailed off in response, unmuting to chuckle at a joke from Karl, before muting himself again. Dream had begged him to stop bringing up the cringe-worthy conversation that had started the awkward tension, but George couldn’t help but reference it every once and awhile. It had only been a few weeks since Sapnap’s drive to Florida, and George still broke out in a cold sweat when he thought of their late night call.

“We might watch a movie later if you want to join?” Dream extended an olive branch with this statement, knowing Sapnap wouldn’t approve, and that George would probably decline.

“Maybe - text me!” George chimed, hanging up quickly and returning to the stream.

Dream sighed, flipping through his phone. He knew he should text Sapnap, but he was stubborn, and also knew they would most likely wrap up playing in the next hour.

His phone chimed and Dream clicked to see a text from George with a Spotify link. He rolled his eyes, assuming it was Heat Waves. Instead, it was a song by Caamp, Strawberries.

_Be my mind, don't like to think for myself all of the time_  
_Be my soul, look into these eyes like no one before_  
_Be my light, sunrise laughing cause we stayed up all night_  
_Be my map, and we’ll leave with all the treasure we can grab_

_Be my lake, summer sand and a strawberry milkshake_  
_Be my pride, stay under my skin, don't let me take what is not mine_  
_Be my house, strong and sturdy but far from town_  
_Be my home, just think of all the places we'll go_

Dream felt tears well in his eyes, the emotion suddenly becoming too much to bear in the moment and he quickly turned the song off, sending a couple messages to Tommy in Discord about their project.

Ignoring messages from Bad and Karl, he turned to Twitter and fired off a tweet on an alt account that no one knew was him before sinking his head onto the pleather mat on his desk top, the cool sensation relaxing his cheek. The tweet sat open on his unlocked screen as Dream drifted half to sleep.

“I can’t be your mind, I can’t be your light, I can’t be your home. I can’t even be my own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, ao3. After a 10 year hiatus from writing fanfic, here we are. 
> 
> I told myself I was absolutely not going to do this. I told myself I wasn’t going to write DNF, but something about their personas wouldn’t leave me alone - so I had to get at least this chapter out so I could work on my book.
> 
> I don’t know what this will be, but if there’s anything here, it’s a slow burn. Please interact with this if you're interested in more :)
> 
> The chapter is based on one of Karl's recent streams.


	2. Chapter 2

Sapnap woke up groggy, checking the clock to see it was already almost Noon. By the time the stream ended it was pushing 2AM and he spent another 30 minutes on the phone with Bad, letting him apologize and calming him down. No one was really mad at Bad, it was almost too easy to make fun of him once someone started, so the group often ran with it, while all knowing that they cared about him. George had logged off quickly at the end of the stream, citing exhaustion and time zones. Sapnap didn’t blame him for wanting to get the hell out of Dodge, but also knew they probably needed to talk. When he emerged from his room at 3AM, he heard Dream’s soft sleep sounds through his door and returned to his own to sleep.

Rubbing his eyes, he pushed his door open, flicking his gaze towards Dream’s door down the hall, seeing it still firmly shut. He quickly showered and changed into fresh clothes, letting his wet hair drip on his white t-shirt as he descended to the kitchen.

Patches expertly jumped on the small kitchen table and watched as Sapnap prepared a cup of coffee on the large Keurig on the counter before pulling out another mug and pod for Dream.

He washed his hands as he finished, the sound of the running water drowning out the sound of the door from the garage opening and the faint ping of the security system.

With the steaming cups of liquid in his hands, turned, eyes locked on the tops of the mugs, not looking ahead and nearly running head on into his tall friend, standing in the doorway of the kitchen with bags of fast food and a tray of drinks.

“Oh - I uh...hey…” Sapnap stuttered out, the coffee sloshing dangerously in the large mugs.

“Sap...hi…” Dream responded, the awkward tension rebuilding quickly between them.

“I got us breakfast. Lunch? Idunno….I got a bunch of stuff…” Dream blushed, looking down at the bags of greasy food and four drinks in the carrier.

Embarrassment crept into the silence as they both stood awkwardly with their tokens of appreciation for the other. Not always good with their words, both young men (Dream in particular) often expressed their care or concern through acts of kindness or gifts. Dream frequently sent off gifted subs on Twitch or gaming gear to the group of friends, even those he didn't interact with the most.

Sapnap smiled, putting the mugs of coffee down on the table, helping Dream by grabbing the tray of drinks. He cocked an inquisitive brow at the milkshake in the tray, soft pink liquid piled high with whipped cream.

“Peace offering?” Dream murmured, suddenly embarrassed that he had purchased a strawberry milkshake for Sapnap as a feeble apology for the previous night’s events.

Sapnap responded by taking a long sip from the straw, wiping cream from his upper lip and loudly moaning out in pleasure.

Dream rolled his eyes, shoving his friend’s shoulder, hand pausing briefly before he collapsed into one of the chairs.

The two young men remained silent for a while, expertly devouring breakfast sandwiches, burgers, fries, and Sapnap’s coffees he had prepared. The embarrassment faded, both suddenly finding out how hungry they were.

“So, uh, Karl’s stream tonight,” Sapnap started, leaning back to take another sip of the milkshake.

“Yeah, I think it’s going to be good. I’m glad he’s feeling better,” Dream responded, leaning over to stroke Patches’ ears.

“Yeah, I think this one will be better format-wise…” Sapnap trailed off, remembering the last Tales from the SMP stream when Dream kept getting killed off towards the beginning of the game and seemed more interested in cozying up to Corpse than cracking jokes with his friends and playing into their characters. Sapnap felt a slight twinge in his chest recalling the event.

“You, uh, talk to George yet?” Dream asked, hesitancy lacing his voice as he broke eye contact with Sapnap, eyes carefully studying the ketchup on his fry.

“Nope,” he responded curtly, swiftly standing up to dispose of some of the trash on the table.

“Do you want...me to help?” Dream tried, balling up his remaining burger in the paper, stomach silently wrenching in anger against the fast consumption of heavy food. Dream dropped a hand to his side, pressing softly in pain.

“I don’t need you to intervene, we don’t need like a group counseling session or whatever,” Sapnap fired back, washing his hands again in the sink, letting the hot water scald his dry skin even further. His face was on fire already, desperately hiding from Dream’s view as he took extra time to rip off a paper towel instead of drying his hands on his pants like normal.

The last thing he wanted was for Dream to try and step in to mend things between him and George. They were all adults and fully capable of working through their own problems. Unfortunately, George’s resentment of him was unpredictable, no matter how hard Sapnap tried to make amends. None of them, well maybe except Dream, had asked for or expected this sudden rise to fame and it was something that Sapnap had started to despise. George seemed to bask in the fan art, the Twitch clips, the TikTok videos - all about them, their real selves, not just the SMP roleplaying.

“I just want things to be…” Dream trailed off, taking a cautious step towards his friend.

“Normal?” Sapnap spun around, unable to hold it in anymore. His wet hair flung droplets everywhere, spraying Dream’s face with the distance having closed between them. “What is normal about any of this anymore?”

He wanted to storm off, get in his car, drive anywhere; but knew that wasn’t wise. Last thing he wanted was Dream following him and driving in his current state of mind. When he finally locked eyes with him, he saw the heart wrenching pain in his eyes, his throat tightly swallowing every few seconds, on the edge of a full breakdown.

“Clay...I...we just need to give this some time,” Sapnap softened, reaching a hand out to grab the end of Dream’s hoodie string without thinking. Dream’s eyes flicked down quickly, face deepening at the contact.

Sapnap quickly dropped it and took half a step back, just as Dream stepped forward to embrace him. Sapnap stiffened but then melted into his friend’s hug, wrapping his arms around his large frame, putting a light hand on Dream’s hair as he collapsed onto his shoulder.

“Imsorry,” Dream sighed out, sound muffled into Sapnap’s shoulder. “It’s all on me, I know,” he said a little louder.

“It’s ok...we’ll figure this out,” Sapnap responded, pulling back to break the hug before Dream could feel his heart fluttering in his chest. He shook his shoulders lightly to try to rid himself of the reaction, his brain swirling as his head became woozy.

“I told my brother I would call him today, so I’m gonna go do that, if that’s cool?” Sapnap told Dream, unable to look away from his crestfallen face.

“Yeah, yeah of course,” Dream responded, scooping Patches up and turning from the kitchen.

Sapnap made himself another coffee and wiped down the kitchen table, heading upstairs to his room and towel drying his hair. He sunk down on the corner of his bed, opening up his phone and his messages app, seeing a bunch of unread notifications. Sighing, he opened his conversation with George, afraid to read them, heart pounding.

His eyes fluttered down to the latest message, George’s messages filling the entire left side of the screen, unanswered.

_Nick come on…_

Sapnap shuddered at the sight of his name on the screen, something George rarely called him, even when they were off stream. He quickly locked his phone, unable to read the rest of the texts.

Exhaling, he fell back onto his bed hard, phone falling on his chest. Letting his eyes flutter close, Sapnap drifted in thought, filled with emotions about everything that had transpired in the past 24 hours. He cared about Dream and George and knew that their friendship was something special. But whatever was happening was tearing them all apart in their own ways, and with Dream and George closer than ever, Sapnap felt like he was left all alone to deal with his own feelings.

He jumped, startled by his phone buzzing on his chest. Without checking the caller ID, he quickly answered and in the split second before he heard the caller’s voice, was terrified it might be George.

“Hey, you said you were gonna call,” his brother’s warm voice spoke through the speaker.

Sapnap released his pent up breath and relaxed, grabbing his AirPods and connecting them quickly.

“Yeah, man, I’m sorry. I just woke up,” he muttered out, keeping his voice low to ensure Dream couldn’t hear him. He knew he should probably go to his car for complete privacy, but he heard the faint sound of Dream turn on the shower. He could even hear music coming through the wall, but not well enough to make out the song or artist.

“Lazy, lazy,” his brother joked. “What’s been going on? Everything good?”

“Uh...yeah, you know, it’s all good. The house is nice, we’ve been busy with work, but hanging in there,” Sapnap sat up and leaned against his headboard, propping a pillow behind his still damp hair.

“You sure everything’s good?” his brother pressed. He wasn’t one for social media, so Sapnap knew he couldn’t have known where to look for dramatic retellings or clips from recent streams.

“Things have been weird,” Sapnap blurted out, a hand flying up to his throat, annoyed that he had given in so easily to confide in his older brother. Everything was bubbling up to the surface now, his head and heart swimming in the murky, confused waters of the past few weeks.

He let everything fall from his lips; all of Dream’s drama, George’s taunts, the fan art, the tension, the late night panic attacks from his roommate, everything. His brother stayed mostly silent, letting out small sounds and single words to let Sapnap know he could continue, that he was listening. Sapnap went a little too far into detail at one point about George's stream that he wasn't invited to, which caused Sapnap's face to flush with embarrassment. His brother could be blunt and emotionless at times, but he was a good listener.

“So...which one are you in love with?” his brother spoke flatly.

Sapnap froze, almost dropping his phone. Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead as he stuttered, hands cold, eyes glazing over. George’s cutting words of _“I think we should replace Sapnap with Quackity”_ echoed around his eardrums. His heart stalled as his shoulder tingled where Dream’s face had rested but ten minutes earlier.

“Dude, I was kind of kidding? But, based on that reaction, I think you probably have some things to think about,” his brother’s voice softened.

Sapnap stayed quiet, unable to find his usually confident voice. Stars swirled in front of his eyes, like when you sit up too quickly or after a huge sneeze. His eyes flicked back down to his phone screen, swiping to find his conversation with George, letting his brain process the series of texts from last night and this morning.

“Um...yeah, I guess I do…” Sapnap trailed off, knowing he had to reply to his brother’s statement.

Emotions and realization rushed over him, encapsulating his entire body in a weird warmth, laced with a tingling sensation. He could hear his own heartbeat loud in his ears, his hands suddenly clammy. His anger over George and Dream’s closeness, his misdirected frustration with George in general, the small fights with Dream - it all was rushing in at once, illuminated by his brother’s observation.

As he ended the call, a painful memory broke through, stabbing him deep in his chest, making it difficult to maintain a steady breath. His long drive to Florida had been the topic of taunts by their larger friend group for weeks, having just died down in the past few days. Dream and George had stayed on the phone with him for a majority of the drive and had even admitted on stream that they had stayed on the line while Sapnap had been sleeping, pulled over at a rest stop in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t until this moment, that Sapnap realized how much those conversations had affected him, especially the one he was awake for, unbeknownst to Dream and George.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, all I have to say is thank you to everyone who left a comment and kudos on the first chapter. This was a huge leap and stab in the dark for me and I honestly thought no one would read this.
> 
> Up until this morning, I had been considering the first chapter a oneshot - but after yesterday's stream, they set me up too perfectly to not write more. I didn't even know this chapter was going to be Sapnap's POV until I started writing - and honestly, I love this main character energy for him.
> 
> More to come soon - next we head into Karl's stream on Saturday, which will get interesting...
> 
> Please keep interacting if you like what you read!


	3. Chapter 3

Dream tried to hold in his reaction as he moved upstairs to his room, clutching Patches in his hands tighter than she would have liked. He moved quickly into his bathroom after dumping the cat on his bed, his stomach making angry sounds and his head spinning. His body forced his lunch from him, tears streaming down his pale cheeks as he sobbed into the toilet, white knuckles bracing on his knees.

As soon as he flushed the toilet he turned on the water in his shower, letting the steam fog up the small space. He flicked open Spotify on his phone, turning the volume up, and letting his new, haunting anthem float out, mixing with the foggy air.

 _Be my blood, oh I’d shoot the moon and it wouldn't be enough  
_ _Be my books, head on your shoulders with damn good looks_  
_Be my hands, and I'll paint your picture darling, the best I can  
_ _Be my heart, I've got you in the end, I wish I had you from the start_

He sat on the floor of his shower for almost twenty minutes before finally managing to run a bar of soap across his body and hair. Barely able to keep his eyes open in the suffocating heat, he turned the water off and let a chill rake over his entire body before finding a towel and emerging from the bathroom. Patches had her small face pressed against the crack of the door when he opened it, care and concern exhibited in this minute gesture.

He pulled on sweatpants and the black hoodie Corpse had sent him from his merch drop, the soft fabric brushing up his damp skin in a sticky, uncomfortable feeling as he collapsed onto the bed, Patches softly purring on his pillow.

Hesitantly, he found George’s contact in his phone, clicking open a FaceTime call. The phone only rang once before he was connected with a swooping ping to the brunette.

“You okay?” George asked, voice laced with worry and fear. He took in Dream’s appearance, deep bags under his eyes, tear stains trailing down pale cheeks, hair soaking into the black hood, hand curled into a tight fist under his chin.

All Dream could do was shake his head, eyes half closed, unable to stay fully open.

“Do you want me to listen or talk?” George softened, immediately knowing his role was one of two in this situation.

Dream fluttered his eyes in reaction, his head bobbing lightly against his arm, prompting George to continue.

“I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I think we all thought that Sap moving in would give you some extra support, that this would be a good thing,” George continued, barely speaking above a whisper. He was laying on his bed, phone close and face filling the entire screen.

“I never meant to hurt you with what I said, I was just being _honest_ like we always are,” he continued cautiously, his voice catching mid-sentence from nerves.

Dream’s eyes widened at the word - _honest_. George was right, this was something he took seriously with his friends. He had charted and calculated this rise in popularity for himself, never taking his eyes off the prize. Along the way, he could have taken so many shortcuts, sellouts, and could have left behind those who helped him get here. But his relationships with those closest to Dream had meant more to him than any of the rest of it - even his career. Even now, with so much history between the larger group, he demanded honesty from them, finding comfort and protection in the blanket of this decree. It made him look guarded, cautious; but it was his defense and coping mechanism all in one.

“I know,” Dream breathed in response, the words sounding foreign and strange in his mouth as his lips fought to stay shut.

George and Dream both fell silent, knowing where both their brains were wandering; to the conversation they both had fought so hard to forget…

~~

“I think he’s asleep,” George had chuckled out from his desk, glancing at the clock that showed it was mid-morning for him, nearing 4AM for Sapnap completing his long drive from Texas to Florida.

They had stayed on the Discord call together for most of Sapnap’s drive, Dream keeping him company for most of it, George joining in once he learned what Dream was doing. Karl and Quackity had popped in every once and awhile, even Bad making an appearance. When Sapnap had finally agreed to pull over to get some rest, he stayed awake for another hour, letting Dream ramble on about plans for a new YouTube channel of short, stupid videos under a minute.

“Sappy taking a nappy?” Dream taunted through his own headset, leaning back in his chair. Silence hung heavily in the air as his chair creaked, finger moving his mouse to flick his video on, George following shortly after.

“Awww, missing my face?” George teased lightly, tongue darting out over his lower lip as a smile crept onto his wide smile.

Dream rolled his eyes, middle finger lazily flipping up towards the camera before falling back to his keyboard.

“Dream?” George asked, suddenly quiet, eyes nervous and face flushed.

Dream’s chest tightened when George said his name that way. His hands dropped from his keyboard and mouse, turning his chair to face the camera.

“George?” he responded, knowing he was tempting fate by keeping his tone hushed, voice soft. He resisted the urge to turn up his lip into a smile, holding the dangerous boundary he had built up between them to protect himself.

“I know it’s stupid, I know, but just listen, okay?” George responded, eyes suddenly unable to make contact with his camera.

“Okay,” Dream responded in a bright, dry tone that they frequently used together.

“I guess I’m just hoping that...I know that we have gotten closer...and with Sapnap being there…” George stuttered, unable to find footing in a sentence, teeth clenching tightly on his bottom lip.

Dream looked deeply into the camera, begging George’s eyes to meet his from thousands of miles away. His heart was fluttering in his chest, stomach twisting into a tight knot. Instinctively, he pulled his hoodie up over his hair, framing his face in green fabric.

“Just say it, George,” Dream responded calmly, his tone no longer emotionless, now the opposite, filled with hope and unspoken promises.

“I don’t want things to change between us,” George croaked out, his eyes finally lifting to meet Dream’s through the camera. He leaned in closer to his desk, eyes not moving from the camera glass.

Dream could see George’s eyes glisten as he moved closer, his own eyes welling lightly at the sight. He suddenly was unable to move, unable to blink. Their conversations over the past few months had gotten deeper, longer, and gone into the late hours of the night. He knew that with Sapnap moving in, things would undoubtedly change. The main reason for him coming to Florida was so they could spend more time together and not have to worry about travel bans and outbreak spikes. Dream had never imagined that Sapnap would move in without George, this was not on his plan, this was unpredicted.

“Promise me you aren’t replacing me with him?” George asked, voice somehow having become even quieter and softer.

“I could never do that, George, you know that,” Dream answered, swallowing hard, his mouth suddenly dry. His head was pounding with his own heartbeat and he lifted a hand to try to calm the sensation.

“I still have hope for _us_ …” George trailed off, his hand suddenly on his lower lip, fingers brushing against the aching flesh from where he had bit down.

This sent Dream’s heart into overdrive, stomach angrily growling, his entire body rigid. This was as close as they had ever come to having a real conversation about the erupting feelings between them. The many late nights of tense silences, the endless flirting on streams, the texts, the Snapchats - it had all culminated in this heart wrenching moment that felt more like an end than a beginning.

“George…” Dream croaked out, cut off by floods of tears streaming from his eyes, his anxiety taking complete control of his body, shoulders shaking as silent sobs fell from his lips. Dream watched as George rested his chin on his hand, light tears falling from his own eyes, face flushed and lips bruised from his gnashing teeth. He let his eyes rest on his lips as he took in every emotion on his friend’s face.

They were frozen in time and remained silent, with tears staining their faces for what felt like hours. Dream couldn't bring himself to say anything else, letting the fire in his eyes communicate everything he had wanted to share with George. The silence held a magnetism of opposing polarities - equally drawing them together through the call and pushing them apart.

Both young men had completely forgotten that they weren’t on a private call, unknowingly laying out their emotions on the table for each other and for their friend they thought was sleeping.

~~

“I think it might be time for me to get back out there,” Dream broke the haunting silence, his brain suddenly roaring back into gear.

“Oh?” George responded, shaking his head to break through the emotional fog of memory.

“I think I’m going to stream soon,” Dream continued. Sapnap had been right, they needed to give this time, but that didn’t mean Dream needed to neglect everything he had built for his fans. They were insatiable, always wanting more content, and Dream appearing on Karl and George’s streams wasn’t enough for them.

“Maybe you could do some stuff in the merch Discord first before diving back into a stream?” George offered, clearing his throat and tugging at his hoodie neckline.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Dream countered, wiping his eye. “Maybe tomorrow or later tonight or something.”

“I should probably try to talk to Sapnap before Karl’s stream…” George trailed off.

Dream knew he was right but was equally nervous. They both owed Sapnap an explanation for their part in the awkward tension that had built in the group. He had known this would happen, that he wouldn’t be able to hide his and George’s deepening connection once they lived under the same roof.

“What are you going to say?” Dream asked, scared of George’s response.

“The truth? What else is there to say?” George responded, his tone even.

“Honesty…” Dream tagged onto the end of his sentence, before George was finished.

“Honesty,” George mused, his eyes glazing like he was drifting elsewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the continued support of this fic! I have created an outline for myself so I can plan an end for this work. I am trying to keep up with everything that has happened since the Bed Wars stream that inspired me to write this - and have picked an end point for myself so I can chart out where we are going from here.
> 
> Do not fear - there are at least 4 more chapters to come :)
> 
> Please keep commenting and letting me know what you think!


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